The Cancer Man
(June 20 – July 22)
“I just don’t know what to say… I mean I didn’t know that you wanted to marry me, just last week we were talking about breaking up”. If you have a penchant for deep-seeded mommy issues, then this man is for you. Bonus points if you just so happen to have a larger chest than most. Yes, that does tie into the mommy issues as well, but let’s just pretend we didn’t ACTUALLY make that connection. Whether you are in love with or simply have a crush on a Cancer man, get ready to see the altar that we have all been waiting for. Yes, you are either getting married to this man or going to head straight to church to cleanse your soul after your possibly secret affair. Although, I’m totally making up option 2, because I really don’t think you’d fall for that one… Please tell me you didn’t! If you’re looking for a one night stand, I would look somewhere else. At least a Taurus will feed you, a Capricorn will adorn you with the best, this man however will adorn you – you will just walk away with an empty box of tissues at the end. You may be wondering why I am being so harsh, it is because I am merely cracking through the shell of this man in order to get to the tasty, decadent inside. The space that was reserved only for a select few… yes, you guessed it, mommy and YOU! Okay, I took that one too far, WAY TOO FAR! Oh God, will you ever forgive me? You know you were always my favourite… the one that I could depend on while the others were playing, you were always waiting and for that I commend you, Cancer man. You truly deserve only the best, and I just know that that’s what you’ll get. This man is the perfect blend of harsh reality and gentle understanding, and the best Cancer men are MORE than you could ever ask for, and more than most even deserve.
You already know that I love you, sometimes we just have to keep it interesting…
Forever and always,