What to do when you don’t want to do anything… (My short story of mourning)

What I am about to say, is deeply raw and honest, and I hope that it helps you profoundly, as it has helped me. I must warn you to not keep reading if you are sensitive to any triggers around loss, death and mourning…

I woke up yesterday, and I knew what day it was, and I wanted to escape it. “I am okay” I kept saying, even though I could so loudly hear this tap, like a loud knock into my subconscious. “Open the door” it said. I just didn’t want to. I wanted to close my eyes and go back to sleep.

September 20th, last year, is the day that my grandmother passed away. It was the day that I crawled into bed with her cold, lifeless body and cried, because I lost a mother, and a person that really truly loved all of me, every single part, and I loved all of her. I lost the person who always inspired me to be the strong woman that I am today – the person who always told me “I know you will be something amazing, you will do such amazing things, I can see it, I know it.” and I would shyly say “Really? How do you know?” “Trust me, I know… yes, Pamela, you!”

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. I really, genuinely thought that I would make it through the day without shedding one tear.

I was wrong.

Out of nowhere, in the middle of the day, the lump travelled up my body like a freight train, and I just started to cry, completely uncontrollably.

“Damnit,” I thought.

5 years ago, I would have either “sucked it up” or hidden somewhere and tried to keep the door closed… but this time was different.

I planted my hands on the floor, planted my feet and started moving my body while I wailed, and dove deeper into the fire, body mind and soul.

Moving my body, feeling the pain and moving it through my body, through my voice , through my soul until I had nothing left.

The smoke cleared, the dust settled and there was the open door, and through it I could see her face, so bright, like an angel.

“Grandma, I have missed you…”

“I’m always here,” She said.

She hugged me tightly, and I felt this rush of psychic energy all through my body I felt everything opening, allowing even more healing and love inside of me.

I felt stronger and more whole, because I know that she is right here with me now, always. That her energy has heightened my abilities even more now, and for that I am so very grateful.


No, I did not get the things completed yesterday which I had planned to – and that’s okay. What I did complete was something that was coexisting between realms, that once I healed I was able to feel even stronger, even more determined on my path.

If you feel like you aren’t completing the things that you want to complete, it is normal. It just means that there is something else that you need to deal with first. Something that once you deal with, you will get back into alignment with your own beauty and fullness.

Mourning anything – a person or a thing, can be a process, and that is okay. When you let it in, it can turn into a profound part of your journey and become a beautiful gift, once you let it…

Don’t want to face it alone? Book a coaching session with me, and I will help navigate you towards the light.

I hope my story helped to inspire you in some way, in the very least I hope it motivated you to move sadness and trauma through your body so that you can release it now. This is extremely helpful in any work which I have done in helping people overcome traumatic situations.

Sending you love and healing, always,